时间

我感觉到那秒针不停地在我手上的表里的移动，似乎在告诉我别在浪费时间。。。
时间也慢慢地的让我领悟到身边的变化，仔细的回想时有如电影一样。
很多时候都希望能回到从前，回味以往的点点滴滴。
小时的日子并没有什么特别，自由的童年更别提了。
我也不怪谁，因为现在的我非常清楚爸爸妈妈是那么的疼爱他们的孩子。
我也时常提醒自己也许现在的我可能是一个无所事事的年轻人。。。
当然，我也非常感谢爸爸妈妈从小到大的教导；老实说，我是幸运的。

时间流逝，在不久妈妈就要来这玩了。
很多人可能认为她回是非常地期待，其实我比她还要心急。
之前也跟朋友谈起家人，时间不只渐渐冲淡人与人之间的感情，承诺和回忆。
可悲的是它将岁月的痕迹都留在人类身上。离家多年的我，才亲眼看见爸爸妈妈都老了。
原来看着他们的变化是那么不好受，仿佛这一辈子都无法挽回。
或许事实让我们更珍惜身边的一切。

身边的朋友都渐渐地社会化了，不在拥有中学时期的思想。
他们的成熟，独立，坚强及稳定的态度，我非常的开心。
正好也在暗示自己也不小了，该乘引擎还热的时候就好好的创一番，过着自己的生活。
好好把握时间，轰轰烈烈的爱一番。哪怕别人的胡言乱语！
当然，必须有分寸，这样才可以不会让人有机可乘。


====================================================


四个月了，我们都看不见未来的结果。
目前的情况还好，不是我想象中的浪漫；四个月前今天，早就预料到这番滋味。
当时的浪漫已藏在我心里，回忆也是过去的历史。
它不曾透露世人，因为那是属于我们的。
时间还是不停漫步，显示着我的坚持。。。
奇迹何是再次出现，恐怕只有时间能解答。

Help required!

Hello you~

I remember i had this feeling few years ago. I know i was very much in love with that person... About two weeks ago, the feeling comes back again. This is different, i know that wasn't much love involved between us but i seriously have no idea why i had this feeling again.

At the very moment, it seems like no one can help me with this but myself. I tried hard not to think about it but i failed to do so.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GDI!~Why?

曾经何时

是的，曾经何时。。。
小孩不笨2我也已经看了蛮多遍了， 其实它带给了你什么样的感受？

还记得中学时期， 家里经常闹得鸡犬不宁，当然也没有那么严重。回想起，我觉得我们三兄妹并没因此事而踏入不良的陷阱，若是你问我们是怎么做到的？ 老实说我不知道。
I am very happy that we did not fall for that, otherwise i don't know what might have been. Here is something very funny about me when this thing happened at home or before it happens...

There are few things which i tried not to do so such as listen to Andy Gibb's songs. You may think i'm a freak, but i can assure you that it was somehow very true yet creepy. I think i would never forget about the first time it happened, think about it again, it really was a nightmare!!!

I acted strange on the second day at school, friends have been worried about me. I did not say anything because i thought that was ambarrased, don't you think so (if you know what was going on).

Oh! Another thing which i kind of forbidded myself from doing it was falling in love. Sounds stupid isn't it? Well better believe it. Maybe it was just me, psycho myself all these years.

Many years later... I would say after i came to UK, things started to change in a better way. Again it was just my problems. I guess it is a good thing of not seeing things that happened around you. Most friends said that they really enjoyed their high school life, are you?
In fact, i did but only certain chapters. Especially best friends, they brought colours into my life.

Make a birthday wish before you blow the candles. Well FUCK this idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've just asked a friend on mine today regarding to this question whether the wish that wished ever come true? I guess the answer remains unknown.






Last but not least, i am disappointed about the thing which i expected to be that way and turned out to be not in my way... Distance? Tell me about it!!!

Floating thoughts

I've been sending lots of offline messages to you for the passed i-don't-know-how-many days.

Honestly, i started to feel bored of doing the same thing again and again.

Even so, i wouldn't be telling you this because that is at least one thing i can do... maybe

It has been two weeks without you by my side, i guess i've already get used to my usual lonely and boring lifestyle. Perhaps i need a job to keep me busy!

I kept thinking about the thing you said...

Did it actually mean something beyond than that?

I don't want to think about it but i just couldn't help myself.

Somehow the feeling inside me is telling me that i almost got that right, yet that's just my assumption.

My good friend once asked me how have we been? I immediately changed the topic.
Not that i was trying to hide something but i really don't know how to answer the question.
Probably not at the moment...


Wait (as usual)

Our time together

On July 7 2007, you arrived in Aberdeen airport. Two hours of delayed from Heathrow got my even excited and impatient, no one knows exactly how it felt but us. (Don't worry, no matter how long it takes, i'll always be there waiting for you)

The airport was full of crowd, it made me even nervous wondering how would it be when i first see you? What will you be wearing on that day? What should i do? Smile was the first thing we did, no handshake, no hug or whatsoever, I was too shy to make the first move. We started to talk a little bit, i realized i talked too much while you seem to be much quiet than me.

There was a little problem with your suitcase, i really sorry that happened on this special vacation, really did not see that coming. Thank god, the bag came back safe to the hotel on that evening.

Things turned out to be alright, so naturally. It seems like we were waiting for something amazing happen between us. Just always remember the FIRST... Whenever you go, the surroundings were partially invisible to me. Nothing is as colourful as your appearance, nothing barely compared to your existance... Something is being developed inside me, i wonder the same thing happened to you as well.

There are things which i'll never forget : -
The look in your eyes...
The smile of yours...
The childishness in you (sometimes)...
Things that you knew about (you are really smart)...
The taste of fashion...
The way you treated me (makes me feel so unique)...
There are so much more yet to be listed, i am glad that i met you.

The last night before you left, we talked, i confessed my feelings about you.
I wonder how would it be if we are not 5000 miles apart... You said to me once, distance is like a barrier that weaken the relationship between two persons. As the hours remained getting shorter, the more i wonder yet my brain is totally empty.

The last moment we see each other, i still have a clear picture in me. When we waved... ... ...
I was so strong, i did not cry... Not until last night, when i watched Pocahontas. The ending of the movie was so sad as she stood there and watched him, waved goodbye. It is exactly the same thing happened to our situation, i couldn't go while you couldn't stay because we have our own things to do.

I like you so much...

我回来了
经过了几个月的挣扎，我终于非常地了解自己的能力。
可笑的是我当时还不认输。或许是我肯尝试吧，不然就是自己死要面子！！！
几分钟前做了最后的决定 --- 放弃
原来要放弃并不是那么容易，因为它是需要你的勇气和坚定。
虽然身边的朋友们都叫我别放弃，但我认为我已到达了极限。
希望他们会明白我的原因。
目前最放不下的是远在故乡的家人，因为他们还被蒙在鼓里。
告诉他们事实就有如把他们的期望狠狠地击碎。
我实在做不到。
最近的心情还是七上八下，犹豫不决。。。
开心还是伤心？ 我真的是不知道。
你认为呢？






好了，好事即将来临，非常期待。下次见吧。

空

今年总是心不在焉， 从未有过这样的习惯， 一种坏习惯。
逃课， 懒惰， 堕落， 发梦。。。 。。。
很多时候都很不快乐，却又不知往哪里把它们抛开。
此时此刻的我，只能在音乐里寻找一份安慰。
表面经常都显得若无其事， 谁都无法猜测我的心情。
我目前是得过且过， 并感觉不到明天的来临。 只感受到黑暗中的沉默。
泪水是不会因此而流， 因为我感觉不到悲伤。
或许伤心的短片会有帮助吧。
唉~ 真是死到临头还感觉不到恐惧。

死亡之梦

妈妈就坐在我身边陪伴着我,
医生说我的病是不能医治了。
但我并不是很清楚是什么病。
就这样， 我只剩下几星期的时间而已。
时间飞逝，不在多久我将离开这世界。
葬礼的一切都准备得很体贴， 也许家人都已准备好了。
地点充满了人群 - 家人，亲戚，朋友，还有陌生人。。。

我在想这会是我的最后一天吗？
我很努力的向家人表示我并不想离开。
但有好象没有人在听我说的每一句话。
我非常地困扰，我一直在那挣扎着。

我并不是死于病症，而是开枪自杀。
前往死亡地点， 那个人将那把枪交到我手上，我还看到里面有四刻子弹。
握在手中的那把枪，我感到死亡的来临。
它的重量似乎代表着沉重的场面。。。

我并没让子弹送走我的生命，因为我不想就这样的一走了之。
离开后的感觉会是怎样的？ 我还有机会看见家人吗？

很奇怪的是亲戚们都很失望我还活着。
他们越是失望，我越是不清不楚。。。










起码我目前知到这只是一场梦，因为我还在呼吸，静静躺着时还可以感觉到、听到我的心跳。

Knowing how i feel

It has been some times that i received greeting cards from friends and family.
Somehow this year, at least i know that i no longer a loner.
Perhaps the best ever in my whole life.
Can you imagine how powerful a card could be? Seems like my whole world has been turned around, the mountain is no longer higher nor the sea is getting deeper.
It is really hard for me to put it in words unless you actually experience what i've been through.
Although it was not the best as compared to others, i am assuring you right now that it was the best on current situation.
Distance is really a problem that stops me from going on, but i'm still waiting for the right chance. Speaking of which, i did sometimes ask myself should i let go and move on or stand still to where i am just now.
This is a hard decision, because you cannot really see the U-turn sign once you have made the decision.


All i know is at this very moment, someone is thinking about me. And i am thinking about the same as well. I just wish that one-day will come, as soon as i wish~

*Hugs + Kisses*