缺少

在这没有月亮的夜空下，望向那片遥远的夜空，我想念着你。
在世界的另一个角落，你是否也一样望着天空，想着我呢？


以前我会迅速的回你的留言，现在的我已开始不再感兴趣了。
我已经厌倦了我们的勾通方式, 感觉已不再真实，我们留的言，仿佛牵着心不在焉的态度。


此刻的心依然挂念着你，而你是否也一样吗？




真的想我吗？。。。

归家周年 Part 2

抵达目的地时，一切如常，机长会跟乘客道别，然后一个一个步出飞机。
离开入境柜台后就快步的到另一边领回行李~ 哇！超久！等了半世纪还没看见自己的行李，很心急又担心，因为怕被遗失了。还好，最后还是领回行李。

因为下一班机是早上七点多，所以又得逗留在机场几小时。
趁着这疲惫、空闲、及寂寞的时候打打PSP、走来走去、东张西望。。。
就在差不多四点多后才开始看着荧幕上的飞机程表，看下是那以个柜台报到。

不久，我就觉得很奇怪，怎么没看见亚航的柜台呢？？？
询问后才知道我必须到另一个附近的机场登记。
就这样突然紧张了起来。还好，马来西亚的交通工具非常方便，四处都有的士；最重要的是你会杀价，当然也要很小心。当今的治安越来越差，那怕你是女的甚至是男的，通通上！

还记得那的士司机还问我有没有5英镑送他做纪念~
无聊的傻佬！我当然告诉他没有英镑在身上。 我为什么要益他呢？
我记得跟他杀价到三十马币，刚好身上的马币也有这么多而已。
也没有通通给他啦，也必须准备不时之需。

整个似乎路程都在等，也理所当然似的；前往槟城之前又要等三个小时，哎哟~
又过了一年咯。。。

等。。 等。。 等。。

不知道是否搭了太长路线的飞机，我的人感觉乱七八糟，糊里糊涂地。
终于到了最后一站，一样的东西，事情又重在覆。
忍了又忍，终于到了~ 结束了~ 呜 ^_^''' (感动到~~~)

哈哈，想起都会偷笑。
远远看见一辆Altis驶着来，还以为爸妈已到达了。
而我不分清楚就拖着笨重的行李走着去，然后有一位女生下车，还以为是妹妹。。。
嗯~ 啊妹什么时候长高啦？仔细看清楚，原来是陌生人，搞错了 (无奈)
幸好没开车门上车。。。 。。。 无奈的我又拖着行李走回座位。

那天早上的气候还是很闷热，就到几步距离的贩卖机买水解暑。
外表毫无痕迹的机器，却没有一罐水是冷的！会不会是被晒热了呢？
原来啊~ 一个人若太累的话是不会想要太多麻烦的(类似投诉的麻烦)。
只有忍！

也许倒霉就要倒到‘准’！所以一连串的衰事，加上一罐热的水，那一次的归家的经验
还蛮象一部戏，若有机会，可以考虑一下。

有钱途，而且也有机会提名无聊奖。哇塞！(发梦)

归家周年 Part 1

在过三个星期就是我离开英国一周年了。
拖着二十多公斤的行李和电脑背包，从楼上悄悄地、安静地走下来。
临走前也没怎样的再一次看一看家里面的四周围，就这样带着沉重的心情回家。

很好奇吧？ 会有谁不想回家呢？ 而且为什么不是抱着期待的心情回家呢？
其实我是背着不甘的心态归家。。。 。。。
很多事情往往都有它们各自的原因，朋友们曾经告诉我这也许是上天的安排，嗯~ 也许吧。

是不是这么碰巧，我也很怀疑咯！
平时去机场都是搭的士， 然后轻轻松松地去搭机。 可为什么最后一次却是辛苦点？走路到车站，搭车到另一个城市，再转车到机场(超安全的驾驶态度)。数小时后就在Dubai转机，为了省钱，只好选择逗留在机场九个小时。闷死了好几次！！！

终于可以登机了，同时我也差点错失班机，因为我很眼睡。。。最后我还是回到马来西亚啦~ 不过还得转多一趟机到槟城， 哎哟，累准！

待续。

Let it be

Knowing what is about to come but can never tell when.
Tried to stay positive as one day I will be needing it.
Things come and go as they were meant to be.
So much questions but so little answers can be determined.

Maybe I should never really bother when would it be.
Maybe I should just set myself free.
Maybe things aren't always turn out as they were suppose to be.
Maybe not all questions are meant to be determined.

Then, I should just let it be.

Too much

So many things that I wanted to say since long time ago, but which one should I begin with or where am I suppose to start at? In fact, that's the problem that most people face - wonder.

Have you ever make suggestions when you don't exactly know what happened?
Are we just making nonsense statement or we are simply care for them?
When you realized something, how well do you take it? Cool about any outcomes or BOOM!!!!

==========================================================

Once again, I spoke about it to a good friend of mine.
Apparently, she is a super cool friend. Just like others... I am glad and proud to have friends like them. Guess what, I'm not the only one! So are you... ...

==========================================================

Learn to let go and try hard to say NO!!!

問題求解

寂寞﹐幾時了﹖

羨慕﹐又如何﹖

等待﹐何時呢﹖

希望﹐何時現﹖

憂鬱﹐為什麼﹖

期待﹐有多少﹖

此時

每一天都有新聞﹐什麼樣的新聞都有。
在每一個角落都發生不同的事件﹐留下了痕跡﹐然後迅速地四處傳播。
報章里泄漏了事實﹐所以它們是新聞。
因此﹐它們的故事多姿多彩。

==========================================

此刻的窗外看得見的天空開始黑暗了﹐微微的冷風是無情的﹐海鷗們在飛着。
天氣並沒有好轉。
街上的人都打扮得漂漂亮亮的﹐約會﹑派對﹑等等。。。 。。。
這樣的生活方式不曾改變。
Itune 撥出一樣的歌曲﹐一首接一首﹐
來來去去都是那幾首歌。

==========================================


明天是否又有新聞呢﹖
好的多還是壞的多﹖
是刺激的或是無聊的﹖


當然﹐答案明天自然揭曉。

==========================================

終於體會到船到橋頭自然直的理由。
時間是我挑戰的對象﹐應負能力是我的本錢﹐半斤八兩是我的界線。
結果是答案﹐好壞是事實﹔
稱讚是信心﹐安慰是良藥。

肩膀上的包袱

是否預料得到你肩膀上的包袱﹖
看來答案只有自己才曉得﹐但往往並沒有想象或預料中的容易。。。
原來我的包袱也漸漸地增長了。
背的包袱越重﹐汗也自然而然地增加。
可惜我的是看不見的淚水。
所謂旁觀者迷﹐當局者清。試問有誰知道我的苦衷﹖
那麼你又清楚知道我的苦衷嗎﹖也許你可以問一問你身邊的他(她)。


我必須勇敢面對一切﹐這已是事實。是好是壞﹐日子還是得過﹐因為扛着的包袱是我目前非常重要的任務。什麼面子對我來說只是一種看法﹐再說大難已臨頭了﹐我還有時間顧慮這一點嗎﹖我還有資格嗎﹖可以嗎﹖有誰可以給我一個非常肯定的答案﹖


哭笑不得的日子﹐我嘗試着種種滋味。
虛有其表是別人幫我戴上的面具﹐因為他們並不知情。
你呢﹖
我就象一架老年鋼琴﹐被擺在一間老屋﹔
開心或悲傷的人反反復復在我身邊旋繞﹐我就彈出不一樣的樂章。
可惜﹐動聽的樂曲不再向以往的那麼順耳﹐開心。。。

嗨~

时间

我感觉到那秒针不停地在我手上的表里的移动，似乎在告诉我别在浪费时间。。。
时间也慢慢地的让我领悟到身边的变化，仔细的回想时有如电影一样。
很多时候都希望能回到从前，回味以往的点点滴滴。
小时的日子并没有什么特别，自由的童年更别提了。
我也不怪谁，因为现在的我非常清楚爸爸妈妈是那么的疼爱他们的孩子。
我也时常提醒自己也许现在的我可能是一个无所事事的年轻人。。。
当然，我也非常感谢爸爸妈妈从小到大的教导；老实说，我是幸运的。

时间流逝，在不久妈妈就要来这玩了。
很多人可能认为她回是非常地期待，其实我比她还要心急。
之前也跟朋友谈起家人，时间不只渐渐冲淡人与人之间的感情，承诺和回忆。
可悲的是它将岁月的痕迹都留在人类身上。离家多年的我，才亲眼看见爸爸妈妈都老了。
原来看着他们的变化是那么不好受，仿佛这一辈子都无法挽回。
或许事实让我们更珍惜身边的一切。

身边的朋友都渐渐地社会化了，不在拥有中学时期的思想。
他们的成熟，独立，坚强及稳定的态度，我非常的开心。
正好也在暗示自己也不小了，该乘引擎还热的时候就好好的创一番，过着自己的生活。
好好把握时间，轰轰烈烈的爱一番。哪怕别人的胡言乱语！
当然，必须有分寸，这样才可以不会让人有机可乘。


====================================================


四个月了，我们都看不见未来的结果。
目前的情况还好，不是我想象中的浪漫；四个月前今天，早就预料到这番滋味。
当时的浪漫已藏在我心里，回忆也是过去的历史。
它不曾透露世人，因为那是属于我们的。
时间还是不停漫步，显示着我的坚持。。。
奇迹何是再次出现，恐怕只有时间能解答。

Help required!

Hello you~

I remember i had this feeling few years ago. I know i was very much in love with that person... About two weeks ago, the feeling comes back again. This is different, i know that wasn't much love involved between us but i seriously have no idea why i had this feeling again.

At the very moment, it seems like no one can help me with this but myself. I tried hard not to think about it but i failed to do so.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GDI!~Why?

曾经何时

是的，曾经何时。。。
小孩不笨2我也已经看了蛮多遍了， 其实它带给了你什么样的感受？

还记得中学时期， 家里经常闹得鸡犬不宁，当然也没有那么严重。回想起，我觉得我们三兄妹并没因此事而踏入不良的陷阱，若是你问我们是怎么做到的？ 老实说我不知道。
I am very happy that we did not fall for that, otherwise i don't know what might have been. Here is something very funny about me when this thing happened at home or before it happens...

There are few things which i tried not to do so such as listen to Andy Gibb's songs. You may think i'm a freak, but i can assure you that it was somehow very true yet creepy. I think i would never forget about the first time it happened, think about it again, it really was a nightmare!!!

I acted strange on the second day at school, friends have been worried about me. I did not say anything because i thought that was ambarrased, don't you think so (if you know what was going on).

Oh! Another thing which i kind of forbidded myself from doing it was falling in love. Sounds stupid isn't it? Well better believe it. Maybe it was just me, psycho myself all these years.

Many years later... I would say after i came to UK, things started to change in a better way. Again it was just my problems. I guess it is a good thing of not seeing things that happened around you. Most friends said that they really enjoyed their high school life, are you?
In fact, i did but only certain chapters. Especially best friends, they brought colours into my life.

Make a birthday wish before you blow the candles. Well FUCK this idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've just asked a friend on mine today regarding to this question whether the wish that wished ever come true? I guess the answer remains unknown.






Last but not least, i am disappointed about the thing which i expected to be that way and turned out to be not in my way... Distance? Tell me about it!!!

Floating thoughts

I've been sending lots of offline messages to you for the passed i-don't-know-how-many days.

Honestly, i started to feel bored of doing the same thing again and again.

Even so, i wouldn't be telling you this because that is at least one thing i can do... maybe

It has been two weeks without you by my side, i guess i've already get used to my usual lonely and boring lifestyle. Perhaps i need a job to keep me busy!

I kept thinking about the thing you said...

Did it actually mean something beyond than that?

I don't want to think about it but i just couldn't help myself.

Somehow the feeling inside me is telling me that i almost got that right, yet that's just my assumption.

My good friend once asked me how have we been? I immediately changed the topic.
Not that i was trying to hide something but i really don't know how to answer the question.
Probably not at the moment...


Wait (as usual)

Our time together

On July 7 2007, you arrived in Aberdeen airport. Two hours of delayed from Heathrow got my even excited and impatient, no one knows exactly how it felt but us. (Don't worry, no matter how long it takes, i'll always be there waiting for you)

The airport was full of crowd, it made me even nervous wondering how would it be when i first see you? What will you be wearing on that day? What should i do? Smile was the first thing we did, no handshake, no hug or whatsoever, I was too shy to make the first move. We started to talk a little bit, i realized i talked too much while you seem to be much quiet than me.

There was a little problem with your suitcase, i really sorry that happened on this special vacation, really did not see that coming. Thank god, the bag came back safe to the hotel on that evening.

Things turned out to be alright, so naturally. It seems like we were waiting for something amazing happen between us. Just always remember the FIRST... Whenever you go, the surroundings were partially invisible to me. Nothing is as colourful as your appearance, nothing barely compared to your existance... Something is being developed inside me, i wonder the same thing happened to you as well.

There are things which i'll never forget : -
The look in your eyes...
The smile of yours...
The childishness in you (sometimes)...
Things that you knew about (you are really smart)...
The taste of fashion...
The way you treated me (makes me feel so unique)...
There are so much more yet to be listed, i am glad that i met you.

The last night before you left, we talked, i confessed my feelings about you.
I wonder how would it be if we are not 5000 miles apart... You said to me once, distance is like a barrier that weaken the relationship between two persons. As the hours remained getting shorter, the more i wonder yet my brain is totally empty.

The last moment we see each other, i still have a clear picture in me. When we waved... ... ...
I was so strong, i did not cry... Not until last night, when i watched Pocahontas. The ending of the movie was so sad as she stood there and watched him, waved goodbye. It is exactly the same thing happened to our situation, i couldn't go while you couldn't stay because we have our own things to do.

I like you so much...

我回来了
经过了几个月的挣扎，我终于非常地了解自己的能力。
可笑的是我当时还不认输。或许是我肯尝试吧，不然就是自己死要面子！！！
几分钟前做了最后的决定 --- 放弃
原来要放弃并不是那么容易，因为它是需要你的勇气和坚定。
虽然身边的朋友们都叫我别放弃，但我认为我已到达了极限。
希望他们会明白我的原因。
目前最放不下的是远在故乡的家人，因为他们还被蒙在鼓里。
告诉他们事实就有如把他们的期望狠狠地击碎。
我实在做不到。
最近的心情还是七上八下，犹豫不决。。。
开心还是伤心？ 我真的是不知道。
你认为呢？






好了，好事即将来临，非常期待。下次见吧。

空

今年总是心不在焉， 从未有过这样的习惯， 一种坏习惯。
逃课， 懒惰， 堕落， 发梦。。。 。。。
很多时候都很不快乐，却又不知往哪里把它们抛开。
此时此刻的我，只能在音乐里寻找一份安慰。
表面经常都显得若无其事， 谁都无法猜测我的心情。
我目前是得过且过， 并感觉不到明天的来临。 只感受到黑暗中的沉默。
泪水是不会因此而流， 因为我感觉不到悲伤。
或许伤心的短片会有帮助吧。
唉~ 真是死到临头还感觉不到恐惧。

死亡之梦

妈妈就坐在我身边陪伴着我,
医生说我的病是不能医治了。
但我并不是很清楚是什么病。
就这样， 我只剩下几星期的时间而已。
时间飞逝，不在多久我将离开这世界。
葬礼的一切都准备得很体贴， 也许家人都已准备好了。
地点充满了人群 - 家人，亲戚，朋友，还有陌生人。。。

我在想这会是我的最后一天吗？
我很努力的向家人表示我并不想离开。
但有好象没有人在听我说的每一句话。
我非常地困扰，我一直在那挣扎着。

我并不是死于病症，而是开枪自杀。
前往死亡地点， 那个人将那把枪交到我手上，我还看到里面有四刻子弹。
握在手中的那把枪，我感到死亡的来临。
它的重量似乎代表着沉重的场面。。。

我并没让子弹送走我的生命，因为我不想就这样的一走了之。
离开后的感觉会是怎样的？ 我还有机会看见家人吗？

很奇怪的是亲戚们都很失望我还活着。
他们越是失望，我越是不清不楚。。。










起码我目前知到这只是一场梦，因为我还在呼吸，静静躺着时还可以感觉到、听到我的心跳。

Knowing how i feel

It has been some times that i received greeting cards from friends and family.
Somehow this year, at least i know that i no longer a loner.
Perhaps the best ever in my whole life.
Can you imagine how powerful a card could be? Seems like my whole world has been turned around, the mountain is no longer higher nor the sea is getting deeper.
It is really hard for me to put it in words unless you actually experience what i've been through.
Although it was not the best as compared to others, i am assuring you right now that it was the best on current situation.
Distance is really a problem that stops me from going on, but i'm still waiting for the right chance. Speaking of which, i did sometimes ask myself should i let go and move on or stand still to where i am just now.
This is a hard decision, because you cannot really see the U-turn sign once you have made the decision.


All i know is at this very moment, someone is thinking about me. And i am thinking about the same as well. I just wish that one-day will come, as soon as i wish~

*Hugs + Kisses*

Wishing a dream comes true

I had a weird but wonderful dream last night.
What would it be, if i were to agree on something?
I wish i'll sleep forever and live the rest of my life in that dream.
Surprisingly i rejected it. What was i thinking?
Honestly, i have no idea why i did that.
Perhaps i'm not ready to let go of something which i have been wanted for a long time...
I regreted for what i have done in that dream and i should have agree that.
The picture is really blur in my mind at this moment, but i still remember some clear voice.

Please, let me go back to that dream. I just want to make sure of something...
If i have only got a single chance in this life, to live in that dream again, i think i'll be the happiest person in the world.

"Hey, please forgive me for what i've done. I should have agree IT, giving IT a chance. Please come back......"

It's just almost

Hey you... How've you been?
It has been 7 months since my last post. In fact, i've got few post in MSN live space. Service not that bad, just that everyone in my list can just click on my space and read them. Where is the privacy then?

I've been really busy since the uni starts. Had my shift at Burger King reduced to three days instead of five days, think that's the best way so that i can have more time to concentrate on my studies and tons of assignments.

Many things happened since the day i'm back from Malaysia. Feeling that part-time job isn't that interesting anymore, nor my skin conditions is getting any better (it's really driving me crazy). Everything seems like a mess!

Two days ago, a thought came to me - am i missing something? Then i realised that is actually a fact........


I've almost forgotten about love
I've almost lost it
I've almost get rid of it
Oh no! I have no idea what i've been doing ever since i came back
It seems strong yet it makes me confused
Maybe i'll just let it be

幸福的鸳鸯

原来身边的朋友们，个个都结伴了。
好幸福啊~ 真是羡慕死人！！！
照片里头的两个人，左拥右抱地。。。
在冷冻的夜里，就算寒风在猛，也只不过是小意思。
是不是也很想尝试呢？
那就把握机会，好好地找个适合的对象吧。
当然，真正的爱才是最主要的噢~~~

祝福你们啦！！！！！